My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
