We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
