Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
