White coat. Heels.
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
