the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
