New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
