If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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