I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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