Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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