we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
