If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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