Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
