well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
