I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
