this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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