Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
