There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I supernannyed him into submission
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize