I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
