Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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