dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
