literally had 100 drinks last night.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
