do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
