Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
