and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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