i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
