dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
