Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
