They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
