Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
