I looked at my own cervix.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
