what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
