Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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