When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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