so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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