Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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