So drunk its hurt
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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