The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
