3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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