no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
