Girls should come with a carfax report
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
