It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
