This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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