The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
