the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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