ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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