you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize
