she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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