if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
