Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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