I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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