Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
