I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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