You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize