my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
