Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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