so that wasnt chicken after all
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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