I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
