My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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