My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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