I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
