U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
