I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
