just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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