no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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