Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
