She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
