just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
