a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
