I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
