I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize