So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
