I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
