My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
