we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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