a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
