I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
