i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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