the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
