Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize