Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
