i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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