You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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