Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
