my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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