I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
