I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
