somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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