Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
