VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
