Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I am spending my child support on dildos
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
