ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
organizing the empties. That sober.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
