I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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