Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
