i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
