Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
