Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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