As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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