She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
