belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
